The Cure for Boredom

Mother’s Day was great this year. The boys and I spent the afternoon baking chocolate chip cookies. Not only was this a fun thing to do with my kids it also fed the chocolate-craving shark in Shark Week (thank you Mother Nature) and each of the boys got credit for Scouts. They helped me gather and measure the ingredients and manned the mixer. Once the dough was ready they began scooping cookie-sized balls using a melon baller. “This way you won’t get your hands all gooey!” The Captain was less than thrilled with his.

They gleefully began rolling the dough into balls. They got their hands all gooey and they didn’t even care.

They had balls the size of marbles and balls the size of golf balls. Their balls made no sense! I had to step in and fix their balls. Hubby offered to help but I assured him his balls were just fine.

Finally, we had sheets of cookies ready to bake.

It’s Cookie Time! NOM NOM NOM.

I also scored in the gift department. Captain Destructo got me the Lord of the Rings trilogy book set (with a little help from Hubby) and Hubby got me The Hobbit as well as a dozen roses. It couldn’t have gotten any better if he had gotten me a hobbit holding a dozen roses!

Both the book and the flowers were a pleasant surprise, I usually have to tell him what I want for holidays. Jr brought me a potted plant from school. I have no idea what it is but it’s trying to bloom:

On Mother’s Day

And this morning. The plant next to it is Lima Bean; The Captain planted and brought that home on Friday. And this leads me to…

CABBAGE!!! Cabbage is growing nicely and he now has company: PUMPKIN!

Pumpkin on Friday

And Pumpkin this morning.

Nothing from Lima Bean just yet but we have faith that he’ll sprout right up. I got a lovely carnation from the members of my church, all the moms get one each year.

I’m going to install a CabbageCam so you guys can sit around and watch it grow, just like me!

Shut up.

I really love how the new version of WP likes to log me out at inopportune moments, like right in the middle of typing a blog entry. AWESOME! I also like how it erased every single one of my subscribers from my email subscriber list. If you didn’t get an email telling you come read my shit, oh dear GOD then you need to re-subscribe. Sorry. And now, on to the blog entry!

Since the most exciting thing to happen to me lately is the burning of my arm while cooking dinner (and right under my right lower arm too, so pretty much anything I do from working the mouse to just sitting in a chair with arms is ripping the blistered flesh from my tender, tender skin) I’ll blog about the next-exciting thing to happen: Jr’s cabbage didn’t die.

Hey, I live in a small town. Bite me.

Around the end of February (or it could have been the beginning or March, who knows?) Jr brough home from school a wee cabbage plant. Apparently, Bonnie Plants gives them out to third graders each year. This particular type of cabbage is supposed to grow to be about 50 lbs so I thought ‘Hey, why not?’ Here is the pic I took when I first transplanted it into the pot. I’d have put it in the ground but it called for full sun and nowhere in my yard gets full sun except a tiny patch of my driveway. Putting it in a pot lets me move it with the sun (and out of the elements when we have tornado-like winds) although I don’t think I’m using a big enough pot. Oh well, no one else in his class is keeping up with theirs so Jr should be the clear winner!

This pic was taken around the second week of March. So I watered it and waited.

Not much going on but hey, at least it isn’t dead!

This was taken around the end of March. Notice the teeny moist patches around what is essentially dry soil? Yeah, that should have clued me in, too. Then the rains came and while it was not good for soccer it was apparently just what the cabbage ordered:

So I started giving it more water (when it wasn’t raining DUH) and even some plant food.

This was taken around the second week in April. Yeah, that’s what I said! And these pics were taken last week:

If you look closely you can see where the heart of the cabbage is beginning to form. We should be up to our eyeballs in cabbage soon.

I’d stay upwind if I were you.

I think there has been some confusion over this post. The reason this is so funny is because this particular word is NEVER spoken in my house. It’s just not a word I like to say or hear. Does this mean I have to give back my Mother of the Year Award?

Jr and I were having a nice conversation over dinner tonight, dinner consisting of him inhaling a 10-piece nugget and small fry and by conversation I mean him babbling about stuff I have no freaking clue about.  He’s talking about honey bees and video games and all of a sudden he asks me a question.

Jr:  Hey mom!  Guess what word I just made up!
Me:  What?
Jr:  Cunt!
Me:  *fighting to keep a straight face*  Wow, sweetie, whatever does that mean?
Jr:  It’s when you have to go on a conquest AND a hunt!
Me:  Okay honey, just out of curiosity…how do you spell it?
Jr:  C-U-N-T!  Get it?  ‘C’ is for conquest and ‘unt’ is for hunt.  Cunt!
Me:  You be sure to tell Daddy your new word, okay?
Jr:  Okay!

Thank you, Jesus, for not letting Jr. get this inspiration at church.  Or school.  Or anywhere else in public.  One of these days my kids are going to get my parenting license revoked.  In other non-news news FloridaSuperCon is in 29 days.  SQUEEE!!!  I’ve exercised the last three days.  IN A ROW, PEOPLE.  First two were nice long 50 minute walks, today was an hour in the yard cutting the grass.  If I keep this up I may actually lose some weight.  Imagine that!  For those of you keeping track at home, the pieces to my costume now include socks and shoes, a shirt and a tie.  All I need now is a black skirt and I’m good to go cuz they be lotsa legs to hump in FL.  Just sayin’.

Memorial Day weekend I am getting my geek on again at another convention, FloridaSuperCon, in Ft. Lauderdale.  The twins will be there again (YAY!) as well Stanislav Ivanenski (Viktor Krum) and Devon Murray (Seamus Finnegan).  I’m excited not just because of James and Oliver but also because I get to meet two HP stars I haven’t met yet.  PLUS…most of the Phelps Anonymous Ladies will be there so PARTY!!!!  The icing on the cake is I’m actually going in costume this time.  I’m going to be a naughty Gryffindor.  A big, fat naughty Gryffindor but a Gryffindor all the same.  Hey, even wizards can be chubby-chasers.

Shut up.

I was having trouble getting onto the website recently.  I thought it was my Norton’s being a comuter-slowing shithead so I tried to get to it from Hubby’s computer.  Same result (they’ve since fixed it).  Last night Hubby is computing and I hear him say ‘Hey, when did I ever visit FloridaSuperCon?  Well I must have because it’s in my history’.  AND THEN HE STARTS LOOKING AT THE SITE.  He’s commenting on everyone there (Hey, what’s cosplay?  Who cares, she has a smokin’ figure!) while I’m sweating bullets.  Then the inevitable happens…he gets to the ticket page.

Hubby:  So honey, which ticket did you get?
Me:  Why sweetie, whyever do you ask? *shitshitshit*
Hubby:  Just tell me which one.
Me:  I got the Gold Ticket.
Hubby:  HOLY SHIT, WOMAN!  ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME?
Me:  What?
Hubby:  You spent that much on a ticket?  Why?
Me:  Well, because all my friends have one…
Hubby:  *makes unintelligible noises and points to part of ticket page that shows General Admission tickets for $25*
Me:  …and I get to eat dinner with the Harry Potter stars…
Hubby:  *makes unintelligible noises and points to part of ticket page that shows General Admission tickets for $25*
Me:  …and I get to go to the dance.
Hubby:  *scoffs*  You don’t dance!
Me:  Well you don’t really have to dance, it’s more of a costume ball.
Hubby:  YOU BOUGHT A COSTUME?  YOU ARE TRYING TO KILL ME!
Me:  No no no!  I’m putting a costume together using cheap, everyday items.  See!  I’m saving you money!
Hubby:  *head explodes*

So far I only have the shoes and socks portion of my costume; I still need to find a black skirt and white shirt that doesn’t make me look like a Catholic School Whale AND I need to find a Gryffindor tie.  Just add red lipstick and some cleavage and VOILA!  I’m a trampy witch!

Don’t worry, you’ll get better. 

I’ve tried to post here, really I have.  Either Wordpress gets a wild hair up its ass, or Charter has gotten all pissy and refuses to work or I just don’t have the time or the energy to post.  It’s almost as if God doesn’t want me to blog!

Shut up.

So, Jr is home today with a low-grade fever.  So much for getting my hair cut.  I’m supposed to have a hike Saturday morning but it’s supposed to rain.  Again.  It’s been raining, mostly, since last weekend.  Our Sunday soccer game was canceled because of the rain.  The Monday night game that was planned to make up the previous Sunday’s game that was rained out?  Canceled.  Tuesdays’ practice?  Yep, rained out as well.  I’m assuming it was canceled as I never got a phone call and it rained off and on throughout that hour.  I don’t give a shit if it was still planned, we’re not running around in the cold-ass rain just for a sport my kid no longer wants to play.  Besides, last Saturday we spent most of the day standing outside at a local regional airport waiting for Jr to get a free airplane ride.  Captain Destructo didn’t get one as it was for kids aged 8-17.  We’ll lie about your age next year, kid.

That’s not to say The Captain didn’t have a good time.  Remember how NoGoodDaddy talked about the tacky monstrosity that is South of the Border?  Well I found a little slice of tacky at Sandy Cross.  As far as I can tell, Sandy Cross is pretty much just an intersection; at said intersection is a small herd of the most fantastical animals you’ve ever seen.  I mean, where else are you going to see a 20 foot cock?

Seriously, how could you not take a picture of this?

AHHHHHH!!!!!!  IT’S SUPER-CHICKEN!!!!!!

The Captain proved he was my son by hamming it up with the various animals.  I didn’t even have to prompt him to do it, either.  *sniff*  He makes me so proud!

Look Mom!  *giggle*  I’m picking his nose!

AHHHHH!!!!!!  IT’S BITING MY HAAAAAAAND!!!!!

Hey Mommy!  Look, it’s a co–OOOOHHHHH!!!!!  *reaches down and grabs a teet*

Is this kid going to be a boob-man or what?

Speaking of twins, I’m going to another GeekFest in Florida next month.  I’m in the process of finding a sweet deal on a flight down; I’ve got one coming home.  Now I’m watching the Delta website like a hawk waiting for that elusive deal to pop up.  Now, I could have had one had I just BOOKED the damn thing when I saw it.  I didn’t know it was going to VANISH the next day.  Now I’m watching the Delta site like a hawk; I feel like I’m channeling Ass Monkey and I’m afraid…very afraid.  Seriously, if I suddely go bald and start growing hair on my back I’m going to be pissed.